No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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