She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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