You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Someone came in the potted fern
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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