I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
