So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
