when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A bitchslap is in order.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
