i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
