my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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