It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
