my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
