I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
