Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
