Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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