his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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