I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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