Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
