hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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