if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
