I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Randomize
