Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
