dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
