Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
