life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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