Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
