Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
