just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
