Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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