Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
