meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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