pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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