Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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