This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
