If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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