My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
