apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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