He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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