I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
