She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
