I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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