Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize