R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
