So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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