i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
