this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
