dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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