i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
