just come out here and I will go home with you...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
