Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
