Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
