I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
