Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
