WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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