Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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