small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
