wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
