its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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