Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
