dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
