My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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