so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
