All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
