Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
