His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
